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  • Writer's pictureChloe Chandarh

Do Adults Need To Seek Permission?

A green plant in a light room

When we are young we tend to look to our parents/guardians for direction and praise. We learn to lean on them and expect them to steer us, guide us and essentially, let us know if we are doing the right thing or not. But, when does that task become our own responsibility?

When we are adults we can sometimes fall into a trap of still seeking other people's, permission and validation. We seek this to confirm that what we want to do is ok, and justified, when we do not need to go to external people to get this - we can find this from inside of ourselves.

Other people's measure on what is right or wrong is completely different to our version of right or wrong. This is ok, and there is nothing wrong with this - they can have their view and we can have ours. It is not necessary for us all to share the same views, opinions and values. It is also not necessary for people to think like us or for us to think like others. There is beauty in difference.

Seeking permission is different to seeking advice/support/encouragement. Seeking permission is like needing somebody else's approval before you go and do something and it potentially feels like you couldn't possibly do it if they do not approve. Living this way means that you have emotionally and, potentially, mentally enmeshed yourself to somebody else. This limits your life and your potential so much, because you are giving over the power of your life, your choice and your future to somebody else.

When we can let go of requiring permission from other people and find it within ourselves instead, we allow ourselves the freedom to fulfill our life's purpose with meaning and joy.

I would like this blog to help you ponder on your current situation:

  • Do you play it small in life because you are constantly doing what someone else says when you know you can do it differently?

  • Do you go back to your parents/family/guardians for permission or for advice?

  • What would happen if you went to someone else for advice, understood what they were saying, and did something different? How would they react and are you concerned about their reaction?

  • What kind of person would you be if you validated yourself in 100% of your choices?


If you would like to validate yourself and become more empowered with your life's choices then working with me 1:1 will support you in becoming a more independent and confident person. Together, we will transform your patterns and behaviour so you can level up and live how you want to live.

Contact me here to book a free discovery call or click below to see what Coaching programmes Chlo has on offer.


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